Catch the hobbit
Ok Cullum it’s show down time. And I recognise that I’m not going to win unless I deal with any accusations of jealousy at the fact that you have made millions no doubt, have a rather gorgeous woman hanging on to your arm (no matter that your arm has to be above your head height for her to do so), you get to tour the world, and that you are clearly handy with your fingers.
We’ll come back to that.
It’s the exuberance. It’s just not British. And in fact, it makes me suspicious. All that piano slapping nonsense, woo hoo! You seem to have a family of ferrets down your trousers too. It’s times like this I wish I were a Yorkshireman. I’m certainly not Geoffrey Boycott’s number one fan but I bet he has the put-down I’m looking for.
Music. All those dischords and effortless augmented 7ths. Or did you just hit the wrong note? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWTEfhhZXK4
It also seems to me God was having an off day when dishing out the talent. His mind was elsewhere (possibly dealing with the John Squire related fall out from the resurrection). He was meant to give you some pointy ears and the guy behind you was supposed to get the voice. Instead, you got it and as though you couldn’t believe your luck, you’ve been hopping around every since.
I wonder sometimes if I am being a bit harsh, that maybe it’s my aversion to Jazz and Swing and the people that get excited about it. But really, watching you perform even just on YouTube is unbearable. There’s enough slapping going on to concern even Max Moseley (allegedly).
Thinking about it, I’ve not heard a peep from you in a while. Lets keep it that way eh? Lovely.
Caught out there – The Seahorses
If I were a full time musician, and had conquered the world with a blinding debut album, but had seen others misunderstand my genius then, upon starting up a new band I’d be out to prove people wrong. Instead John Squire of Stone Roses fame hooked up with a busker and two other non-descripts (one who had a very dodgy goatee) and formed The Seahorses. It was promising initially, a bit of support from Noel who penned his own track (Love me and Leave me) and even toured with them, trademark wizardry on the guitar from Squire…but actually, a couple of songs aside you had to be the most dogged of Squire fans to hang on to this lot.
For those of you who like the Stone Roses I know you fall into one of two camps. You’re a purist or a realist. Half way through ‘I Am The Resurrection’ the song effectively ends, there’s a pause and then John Squire gets all fancy with a 5 minute guitar solo. Purists get all indignant when an indie club/radio station stops the song halfway through. Realists walk when they don’t. Not sure where you stand? Imagine watching the real resurrection. I mean, that’s going to be some event. Now imagine people banging on about it for the next 2000 years. That’ll be the guitar solo.
The Seahorses see Squire continue his preaching, except now the congregation is dwindling.
There was, however, one good indie ballad, written ironically by the busker. Blinded by the Sun. For a chance to believe again, the whole album is here.
http://www.last.fm/music/The+Seahorses
Verdict: Smart money was always on Ian Brown
Guilty parties – hmmm, only me? I reckon Vicki W, Si, Andy T and secretly, Russ
Recommended for:
Nick – despite all the above you can always improve on Jamiroquai.
Beccy – the Busker has a solo slot at LSS
Steer clear:
Donald – the unnecessary warbling and guitar nonsense will wind you up no end
